Monday, May 24, 2010

the great indoors

If my kids were to tell me, 'I wanna be a vet!', I may very well FORBID THEM. Okay, maybe just encourage them to reconsider.

I've never been so tough on myself before. I've never required so much discipline of myself ever in my life.

You know I love to be outside where the sun's pouring onto the city, casting its own artwork onto the busy streets as the shadows of the buildings fall in place. I love to be where the moonlight dimly illuminates the mysteries of this urban machine, as the headlights of the cars turn into beautiful bokeh through my viewfinder.

I love listening to the sweet jazz nectar that oozes into my ears as I walk on Little Collin's, getting my Miscella Italiana beans, as I look through the windows of those Paris-esque boutique cafes.

I love sipping a hot cuppa watching people in suits hustle by just to catch the very next sardine can home. I love watching Alicia doodle on my Moleskine while I steal a sip of her lemongrass tea, and Journal offers us 2 baguettes to bring home as they start flipping the chairs onto the table.

I love having nothing on the agenda, while we tuck our heads ala turtles into our thin jackets, complaining about the obvious temperature over and over like we didn't have a hypothalamus ourselves. I love late night grocery shopping, as we slide through the aisles wondering where each other are.

But now I'm stuck.


When uni's over, the shops are closed, the sun says its last goodbyes, and the books start calling out to you.

I constantly motivate myself with a reward at the end of the day, but slowly, those are to be taken away as the time is near. It's just not a life that I thought I would be able to handle, but it's happening. The constant self-punishments that go through my head as I let the hour hand spin by me without my knowledge. The thought of not doing enough, the worry of not getting there.

But I thank God for an amazing apartment that still amazes me 3 years in, a cozy room to hide from the world when it gets too cold. An amazing girlfriend that's a stone drop away. And lovely friends all around the building.

And I thank God for His constant presence throughout this place. If He's not in my room, I know I can knock on my neighbour's doors and He just might be with them.

It's bad, but when you get down to it, you realise the One in You is more than able. You end up getting closer to Him, and you come out a better man.

The great indoors.


Kok Ming said...

Dont worry and do not fret. Both mum and I are always here for you and supporting you. Even a pregnant woman has to go through the nine-month period before she sees her newborn baby with great joy. Hard work and discipline do pay.

wei xiong said...

hahaha weird analogy.. but thanks.. :)

Ashley Lim said...

Hi Wei xiong, hang in there! I know this semester's exam will seem like a marathon but don't give up. Do your part and God will do the rest.

I won't lie and say 3rd year is any better but at least u won't have 9 papers.

Just with micro: study Glenn browning's stuff and colin wilks set evil questions LOL

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