Thursday, November 25, 2010

22nd year, 2:22am

I wonder what happened to my 21st year of life.

Sometimes I question myself if that was actually "making the most of it".

What would BE "making the most of it" then?

I spent this past year almost having no contact with the outside world. Well, at least not as much as I would have loved to, or have been used to. They always say it's just for a few years, and then you're off to do whatever you want.

But is that really the case?

And what's worse is that it's not gonna get any better the next 2 years. And I'm.. afraid.

I wonder sometimes if I've already missed the prime of my life. Or if this is it. Cuz if this is it, what would life down the road be like??

"Come on man, you're still young!"

Really? Pretty soon I'm gonna be 25 and start writing a post like this again.

I still feel like I'm 15. Sometimes I WISH I'm 15 again, where there were moments I can just sit down in front of the TV and just go like, ok... Homework's done. I'm now free.

And when you were free at 15 years of age, you were FREE. Literally carefree-kind-of-free. I miss those moments. Not a worry in the world.

From now till the end, I can't imagine myself in a stress-free moment ever again. That's frightening. I don't wanna grow old!

But, despite all the "premature" fear, I thank God for every single piece of experience I've had. Getting to know many people along my way, I've learnt that I had a pretty monotonous childhood, as compared to the car-vandalising, fire-setting, bone-breaking childhoods proudly accomplished by them. I still wouldn't give up mine for anyone else's. I'm glad my parents never gave me any of that gameboy mumbo jumbo. I was actually still climbing trees, chasing dogs and peeing in the bushes back in the day.

Back in the day.

I hate that we always look back longing to return.

It's not right, we need to be looking forward and making each minute count, and even better than the one before.

What confidence it is to take each step assured that it is the right one. What courage it is to leap blindfolded, undaunted. What valor it is to stand for what one believes in. What determination it is to run a race with perseverance, even when no-one runs alongside. What joy it is to stand on a soap box promulgating a regret-less life. What faith it is, to love someone unseen.

I want life from here on in - acclivitous. Yes, a new word I've learnt.

So right now, I shall take a big step. One that'll launch me into an astonishing future.

Imma clean my room.

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